Re-post This

It is a Facebook policy I have. I won’t do any of those re-post things about Cancer, Domestic Abuse, ♥
SISTERS ♥, or any other cause. You know, “If you know someone who fought cancer and won, or fought cancer and died, or someone who is still fighting please add this to your status for 1 hour as a mark of respect and in remembrance. Only some of you will do it, and I know who you are. ♥”

It isn’t that I don’t care – I do, I swear! But early on it seemed to me if I couldn’t make a distinction about what was worthy of re-posting – Alzheimer’s or bullying? – I had to go with all or nothing. So I opted for nothing. Plus, to re-post something that asks to be re-posted puts the onus on all my “friends” to make the same decision. Too much responsibility! So I just don’t do it. Just like I don’t do e-mail chain letters or put bumper-stickers on my car.

However, if I were to post these types of Status Updates, they would be aimed at dispelling the Facebook Myth, perpetuated by myself, that I am a sane, happy and well-adjusted person. I know that personally and professionally one has to keep up appearances, but sometimes I just want to cut the bullshit, you know?

“I am a terrible mother. I just swore at my kids and threw a toy across the room in a fit of rage. My only hope is that the psychological damage I cause today will provide fodder for a heart-wrenching memoir about growing up with a terrible mother. Re-post this for 5 seconds and delete it immediately out of shame if you feel like a piece of crap. I know one of you will!”

“It is 11:49 and I have drajnk six glasses of wiine and am likely to say something rude, offensive or non-sewnsical in response to your sdtatus right now. I’m read what you all alll are all are saying out there, so I know some of you are drunpk too. Re-post this as your stus if you can manage the fine motor skills required,. Remove it in the the morning firthst thng after you take youe ibuprifn. I know the ones who will!!!! I seeeeee you…”

“Existential doubt and self-loathing are natural conditions of human existence. If you wake in the night seized by unfathomable fear, you are alone. Utterly. Re-post this if you are alone. You are.”

“Single moms need sex too. If you know a single mom who never has any sex, re-post this along with her contact info and a list of potential suitors as your status for just one week! Please!! I hope I’m right about the ones who will, because I’ve been stalking your Facebook friends!”

“I deeply resent the fact that you will not hit the “like” button on my blog posts, comment on my witticisms or share the multitudes of brilliant links I post. In fact, I suspect you have hidden me from your news feed. So, screw you mister. Re-post this if you, like me, are so insecure that you invest your self-esteem in something as frivilous as Facebook interaction, or you’re just having a shitty day. I know the ones that won’t – assholes!♥”

Please re-post.